The Science of Sex In Islam
Men have up to 20 times more testosterone than women, which primarily promotes the male reproductive organs. Testosterone in men – and this is something to note – also promotes the sexual characteristics in male behaviour and appearance. So, testosterone enhances a man’s build, it creates the shape of his jawline, his man-hands or the way he walks and speaks. It is what switches on his high sexuality. Basically, testosterone makes a man, a man. Or as I would say, it makes a man, a sexy man. *Preferences and attractions differ.
Oxytocin, on the other hand, is a women’s arena, and I add here for the medical humour, it is known as the “love hormone”. Yes, you guessed it, for women, it’s all about the love.
While there is disputable evidence in support of oxytocin’s role in women’s sexuality, its primary functions lie in female reproduction and is significantly higher in women than men. Higher levels of oxytocin generally lead to more emotional sensitivity, a positive emotional response and lower stress levels. Recently a study at the University of Switzerland revealed that new mothers with lower levels of oxytocin are more prone to feeling post-natal “blues”. Therefore, more oxytocin = more emotional consideration or a more loving nature.
“Falling” In Love
When a man falls in love with a woman the normal levels of testosterone which otherwise make a man manly and tough, reduces significantly, and the level of oxytocin increases which turn him into a softer, more bubbly fellow. He’s happier, he’s filled with energy, he’s being ‘romantic’, he’s emotionally charged and he’s probably praying harder. (*He may also be delusional, daydreaming and excited, if you catch my meaning). When you can’t think straight and you’ve contemplated life-threatening events, congratulations, you’re in love (!)
Sexual appetite will no doubt increase but now there is a stronger attachment at stake: his wife’s welfare is his primary concern, not his own satisfaction. Women are attracted to this loving behaviour because it means men are paying them quality attention, they are being pursued, and I would surmise to say this phase does not last. I’m sorry.
This is where you need to ask yourself is this really love I’m feeling?
For women, an emotional and sexual attachment follows the same path as men but where the opposite hormones tip the scales. When in love, a woman’s level of testosterone increases. This means a woman’s sexual energy increases to almost match up with a man’s and both are giving and receiving what the other needs. They both show loving signs to one another. Although this biological data and understanding are observed from all human relationships, here we are talking about the intimacy within halal (lawful) marriage between a Muslim man and woman. Therefore love outside of marriage, while perfectly normal and involuntary, is not something to act upon.
‘It is here when the Muslims have to step up and realise that marriage was most definitely more than just “falling in love”, eroticism and the short-term. Rather it is for the sake of Allah, it is for the sake of the children, and it’s for the sake of the community at large who need to see people battle it out and suppress their desires for risk, excitement and throwing away stressful responsibility…’
Imam Abu Eesa Niamatullah.